Want to watch Zero Punctuation without commercials? Sign up for The Escapist+ today and support your favorite content creators!
Handling their signature franchise has been like watching two blind sea urchins trying to get through their wedding night. Any half-decent idea for a Sonic game in your hands is about as much use as a professional grade drawing board in a baboon finger painting class. I’ve said a lot of mean things about Sonic Team in the past. And currently. And in the very near future, too. Sonic Frontiers sucks balls. Well, hmm. Look, as much as I look forward to anything, I was looking forward to Sonic Frontiers. Because my game reviewer instinct, forged over years in the crucible of disappointment and cake, told me that open-world design might be what finally makes 3D Sonic work. OR it’s going to suck balls and either case will at least be fun to write about. The actual result is a mixed bag, for whatever it’s worth, I mean, a bag of dog shit and a bag of dog shit and cake are just as hard to sell. I’ve always hated the aggressive linearity of Sonic levels, the way they keep shooting me right off stage because I pressed the wrong stick or didn’t press jump in time or didn’t enter an uncontrollable sequence of boosters and springboards with the right positive attitude or because it was a Tuesday.